A couple of nights ago I was at my company’s terminal in Southwest Missouri dropping off a load of apples and pears at the yard. The trailer’s eventual destination was Florida, but I’m off for the next 9 days for Thanksgiving and for my The Un-Named Son’s graduation from Air Force Basic Training. I’m headed down to San Antonio tomorrow.

When I pulled into the fueling bay and stopped the truck, I was notified by the attendant that I had been selected for a “random.” A “random” being a random drug test. I wish I was as randomly lucky in gambling because this is the fourth random drug test I’ve done this year and they haven’t let me test any drugs at all, not once! All they ever have me do is piss in a cup and they bottle it up and send it to a lab.

Since the Government owns my body I guess it’s all well and good, right? The Government keeps us safe and warm and it causes the sun to shine and the stars to dance (on TV.) The Government keeps us all safe by keeping evil truckers like myself honest and pure and clean by telling me what substances I can or cannot put into the body they claim ownership of. Random piss screenings ensure that no stupid, evil truck driver will ever ingest an evil plant that grows so fast and so readily that it’s referred to as WEED.

If the Government can outlaw weed, it can outlaw any plant for any reason. If the Imperials in DC want to outlaw tomatoes, potatoes, poison ivy, and bermuda grass they can and will.

If the Government can tell you what you can or cannot put in your body, they are making a de facto statement of ownership over your body. Just try to grow pot in your back yard. Grow enough of it along with your evil medicinal herbs and men in black kevlar body armor armed with actual assault rifles (not civilian semi-automatics incorrectly called assault weapons) will come to your house, break down your door, and take physical possession of their “property” at gun point. That property being YOU, as well as everything you own. If you resist sufficiently, they will terminate your life.

Now tell me who owns your body.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you think that random drug tests are a good idea, just remember that they are relatively easy to beat. Just Google “Pass Drug Test Weed” and 872,000 results pop up.

I don’t do drugs, but I could if I wanted to and I could pass the pee pee test regardless of how many times I am subjected to the Government’s reaffirmation that they own my body.

I don’t do drugs because I’m not particularly inclined to do them. Most drivers aren’t, and that’s the real reason we have the safest highways in recorded history. New technology, safer cars, better roads and better trucks keep us safe, not DOT mandated hours of service logs and DOT mandated random drug tests. Next some an uniformed trucker or motorist tries to tell you differently, you tell ‘em to talk to me. I’ll put ‘em straight.